Thu Jul 29 2010

What happened to Humpty Dumpty was not an accident
Segment 1  |  No comments

Chicken Little was the victim of fowl play
Segment 2  |  No comments
Wed Jul 28 2010

Tony mutes due to a lack of social graces
Segment 1  |  No comments

The mute is the highest form of disrespect
Segment 2  |  No comments

10,339 career mutes

Note: Arrow pointing at Woody

Segment 3  |  No comments
Tue Jul 27 2010

The muting will continue until morale improves
Segment 1  |  No comments

Mute if you love me
Segment 2  |  No comments
Mon Jul 26 2010

Panic now and avoid the rush
Segment 1  |  No comments

I don’t lie, cheat or steal—unnecessarily
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Since I gave up hope, I feel much better
Segment 3  |  No comments
Fri Jul 16 2010

D.J.‘s mix it up
Segment 1  |  No comments

I’m sorry you have to see me like this
Segment 2  |  No comments

Don’t listen to me; I am confused
Segment 3  |  No comments
Thu Jul 15 2010

In my family tree, I’m the sap
Segment 1  |  No comments

Never turn your back on a charging turtle
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Never get in a spitting contest with a llama
Segment 3  |  No comments
Wed Jul 14 2010

Ordinary people live and learn.  I just live.
Segment 1  |  No comments

Keep talking
I always yawn when I'm listening
Segment 2  |  No comments
Mon Jul 12 2010

Live teddy bears are the best
Segment 1  |  No comments

I can handle pain until it hurts
Segment 2  |  No comments

If money can’t buy happiness, I guess you’ll just have to rent it
Segment 3  |  No comments
Fri Jul 9 2010

Everything I need to know I got from Gilligan’s Island
Segment 1  |  No comments

I loved Lovey more than Ginger and Mary Ann
Segment 2  |  No comments

I’m more like the Professor than the Skipper
Segment 3  |  No comments
Thu Jul 8 2010

New King James version revealed tonight
Segment 1  |  No comments

New Jersey Nyets dead yet? Way! Outlaw’s here
Segment 2  |  No comments
Wed Jul 7 2010

I’m objective; I object to everything
Segment 1  |  No comments

The ultimate reason is “because”
Segment 2  |  No comments

It’s not what you say in your argument, it’s how loud you say it
Segment 3  |  No comments
Tue Jul 6 2010

If you can’t learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly
Segment 1  |  No comments

Abandon the search for truth; settle for a good fantasy
Segment 2  |  No comments

You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd
Segment 3  |  No comments
Mon Jul 5 2010

No matter where you go, you’re almost there
Segment 1  |  No comments

Your lucky color has faded
Segment 2  |  No comments
Thu Jul 1 2010

Do not believe in miracles.  Rely on them.
Segment 1  |  No comments

My rules apply only to other people, not me
Segment 2  |  No comments

Adults are just kids with money
Segment 3  |  No comments
Wed Jun 30 2010

Why should I grow up?  This is more fun!
Segment 1  |  No comments

Imagination is the foundation of reality
Segment 2  |  No comments
Tue Jun 29 2010

Life without bears would be unbearable
Segment 1  |  No comments

Hugs don’t feel as good on the computer
Segment 2  |  No comments
Mon Jun 28 2010

Life is tough; get a helmet
Segment 1  |  No comments

In order to be somebody, you must first be yourself
Segment 2  |  No comments

No shirt no shoes bad service
Segment 3  |  No comments
Fri Jun 25 2010

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but three lefts do
Segment 1  |  No comments

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door
Segment 2  |  No comments

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried
Segment 3  |  No comments
Thu Jun 24 2010

Keep off the concrete
Segment 1  |  No comments

Keep out, or you will be let in
Segment 2  |  No comments

Producers must wash hands after ATH
Segment 3  |  No comments
Wed Jun 23 2010

Trespassers will be hugged
Segment 1  |  No comments

Beware of good dog
Segment 2  |  No comments

Please leave on your shoes
Segment 3  |  No comments
Tue Jun 22 2010

It’s lonely at the top but you eat better
Segment 1  |  No comments

Private Sign
Do Not Read
Segment 2  |  No comments

You get what you settle for
Segment 3  |  No comments
Mon Jun 21 2010

You can’t steal 2nd with your foot on 1st
Segment 1  |  No comments

Either I get what I want or I change my mind
Segment 2  |  No comments
Wed Jun 16 2010

This space left intentionally blank
Segment 1  |  No comments

You can’t fall off the floor
Segment 2  |  No comments
Tue Jun 15 2010

Every show is the dawn of a new error
Segment 1  |  No comments

Now is NOT a good time to annoy me
Segment 2  |  No comments

My mom thinks I’m at the library every day during this show
Segment 3  |  No comments
Mon Jun 14 2010

Just because it’s a well-known fact doesn’t mean it’s true
Segment 1  |  No comments

If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong
Segment 2  |  No comments
Fri Jun 11 2010

Sit back and enjoy the chaos
Segment 1  |  No comments

A well done medium is rare
Segment 2  |  No comments

The Internet is now closed.  Please log off.
Segment 3  |  No comments
Thu Jun 10 2010

I fought Chuck Norris, and it was pretty much a draw
Segment 1  |  No comments

I’d win everyday if I was the only panelist
Segment 2  |  No comments

I should have worn a helmet in little league
Segment 3  |  No comments
Wed Jun 9 2010

I might flip, but I won’t flop
Segment 1  |  No comments

Wanna do something?  I’m board.
Segment 2  |  No comments

I use lead-based chalk!
Segment 3  |  No comments
Tue Jun 8 2010

Donuts make the best bracelets
Segment 1  |  No comments

Man at work

Note: Arrow pointing at Woody. [pic]

Segment 2  |  No comments

ATH scoring is as legit as the WWE
Segment 3  |  No comments
Mon Jun 7 2010

Blackboard is a free agent
Segment 1  |  No comments

My best friends are imaginary
Segment 2  |  No comments

I’ve tested positive for geneius

Note: [sic] [pic]

Segment 3  |  No comments
Fri Jun 4 2010

Woody is nothing without me
Segment 1  |  No comments

I’d be better off without this guy

Note: Arrow pointing at Woody

Segment 2  |  No comments
Thu Jun 3 2010

My get up and go got up and went
Segment 1  |  No comments

I can’t even afford a poorboy sandwich
Segment 2  |  No comments

I’m on a hunger strike in between meals
Segment 3  |  No comments
Wed Jun 2 2010

I wasn’t late today; I was early for tomorrow
Segment 1  |  No comments

Yelling is the only exercise I get
Segment 2  |  No comments
Tue Jun 1 2010

I’ve tried all the early bird specials
Segment 1  |  No comments

I’ll bet you a dollar you read this
Segment 2  |  No comments

I want to supply my own questions
Segment 3  |  1 comment