Never moon a warewolf
Thu Jul 2 2009
Rain dance
tonight!!
*Weather*
permitting
tonight!!
*Weather*
permitting
Wed Jul 1 2009
3M and Goodyear:
mmmGood
mmmGood
Grey Poupon and Dockers pants =
Poupon Pants
Poupon Pants
John Deere and Abitibi Price =
Deere Abi
Deere Abi
Tue Jun 30 2009
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed Up?
38% of people quit looking for work when they find a job
Mon Jun 29 2009
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck
If you don’t like the news, go out and make some
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine
Tue Jun 16 2009
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math
Bill: If I throw a stick, will you leave?
Note: Bill = Bill Plaschke, another panelist on the show
Mon Jun 15 2009
The Peter Pan Club? Never. Never.
The quarterback club? I’ll pass.
The Yoko club? On no.
Fri Jun 12 2009
See no evil,
Hear no evil,
Date no evil.
Hear no evil,
Date no evil.
Not all men are annoying, some are dead.
Thu Jun 11 2009
And your crybaby, whiny opinion would be what Tim?
Note: Tim = Tim Cowlishaw, another panelist on the show
Do they ever shut up on your planet Cowlishaw?
Note: Cowlishaw = Tim Cowlishaw, another panelist on the show
Wed Jun 10 2009
The average chocolate bar has 8 insects’ legs in it
The average human eats 8 spiders in his lifetime at night
It’s illegal to catch mice without a hunting license in Cleveland
Tue Jun 9 2009
Where there’s a will, there’s a family fight over it
Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool
Mon Jun 8 2009
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life
Give me 30 minutes and I’ll give you 5 of my best
Fri Jun 5 2009
Sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I feel like a doughnut
Note: It was National Doughnut Day
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism
Thu Jun 4 2009
Never hire a cleaning lady named Dusty.
Note: Woody announced that today's chalkboard sayings were "submitted by a young man who is literally a captive audience." Reali asked what that means and Woody responded, "He's in prison."
If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Men should always aim high. Then you won’t splash on your shoes.
Wed Jun 3 2009
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be
Stressed spelled backwards is DESSERTS
As I said before, I never repeat myself!
Tue Jun 2 2009
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Mon Jun 1 2009
Then: Long hair
Now: Longing for hair
Now: Longing for hair
Then: Acid rock
Now: Acid reflux
Now: Acid reflux
Then: A keg
Now: An EKG
Now: An EKG
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