“HI, BILLY MAYS HERE FOR BUT WAIT…THERE’S MORE COMING SOON TO THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL!  THE SHOW WILL FEATURE ME AND ANTHONY SULLIVAN AS WE, “EVALUATE QUIRKY NEW PRODUCTS, CRAFT PITCHES, AND TAKE TO THE AIRWAVES TO PUSH THE GOODS”!

THE SECRET IS IN THE FACT THAT THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL IS LOOKING FOR ADDITIONAL ORIGINAL PROGRAMMING AND THEY THINK THAT I’M NOT GOING TO BE AS ANNOYING IN A FULL LENGTH SHOW AS I AM IN A 60 SECOND COMMERCIAL!

I stand by my statement that Rachel Ray and Billy Mays are the two most annoying things on TV (besides the entire MTV channel).  With that said, I’ll probably watch it once to see what it’s about and to see how ridiculous the products are that they pass on.

Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “stimulus package”.

Spirit landed five years ago, with Opportunity just 21 days later.  They were expected to last 90 days.

Finds out he has honest customers.

I love the logos for Schizophrenic, Curious, and Upside Down.

Techs put a chunk of aluminum in an MRI machine and tip it over.  It falls really slowly due to Lenz’s law.

Due to the rotation of the Earth, a “leap second” has to be added to 2008 to keep clocks accurate.

They had to add an extra second to 2008?  It wasn’t bad enough, so we made it longer?

Great pictures.  And they’re BIG.  Also see Part 2, and Part 3.

The famous photo of the Earth as seen from lunar orbit was taken 40 years ago today.

Not surprisingly, Bacon is #1.  Overall it’s fairly accurate, but a few mistakes stand out.  Boobs at #13?  Really?  Cheese beats it by 5?  And sniper is way too high at #5.  Jedi and sniper should swap.  Ribs and beef jerky need to swap also.  And mullets shouldn’t be on it at all!

Researchers find that headbanging may cause mild head injury (duh).  They suggest banging your head to every other beat or listening to different music.

Heaviest snowfall in 30 years for the area.

National Geographic lists ten cures for the common hangover.  None of them are especially appetizing (except maybe the Netherlands), and a few are just downright nasty.

Josh’s hangover cure…two McDonald’s hamburgers.  The hard part is finding someone to go get them for you.

It may have something to do with maintaining our brain’s temperature.

I’m going to suggest more testing, especially right after drinking a Slurpee really quickly.

Oscar Meyer is taking applications to drive the giant hot dog on wheels.  I think it’d be fun, but I’d probably get tired of eating hot dogs about three days in.

I think my theory that “everything’s better with bacon” was proven wrong.

I may have had a minor coronary just looking at the pictures.

McDonald’s erected four billboards attacking Starbucks coffee right down the road from Starbucks’ headquarters.  Excellent, but they really should be targeting Starbucks drinkers all over the place.

I don’t know about you, but the cashiers in the McDonald’s near me can’t do anything unless there’s a little button for it on their register.  And I highly doubt any of them would know what a “half caf latte with soy milk” is.  And I wouldn’t exactly want to hang out in McDonald’s any longer than I have to…I detract from the homeless decor they have.  Other than those things, I think McDonald’s will give Starbucks a run for their money.

Guy gets an e-mail from Classmates.com that others are looking for him.  He signs up for the paid service and finds out that no one was looking for him.  Sues.

This is a true story, not something The Onion made up.

Wow.  NBC has basically given up on prime time.  That’s five less hours that they have to program, which means five less shows that need to be around.  It makes some sense since NBC is doing so poorly in the ratings and competition from cable is getting worse every day (or should I say better?).  Sometimes a little revolution is a good thing.

I’m not sure how well this idea’s going to do.  For the most part, people watch Leno and Letterman as they’re going to bed because they just happen to be on.  I can’t think of anyone I know who actually plans to watch either show because they really like them.  I’m not sure that people are going to follow Leno around and sit down and watch him at 10pm versus some of the other shows that are on, like C.S.I.  Besides, if I watched them, it’d be tough to watch Leno for an hour, then the news, then O’Brien.  I tend to think that O’Brien is pretty pissed at this news.

The drink was supposedly born in NYC 75 years ago today.  Like the Caesar salad, it’s origins are disputed.  Like the Caesar salad, I don’t care where it came from, I’m just glad it’s around.

A woman may have miscarried in the melee as well.  Glad to see the holiday spirit is alive and well.

Other shoppers said people kept entering the store as emergency crews attended the woman and store clerk.

This is precisely why I spend Black Friday as far away from retail stores as possible.

Citibank paid $400 million to name the Mets new stadium “Citi Field”.  Now that Citibank has needed government assistance to stay afloat, two city councilmen want it renamed “Citi/Taxpayer Field”.

I vote for “Bailout Field”.

Why?

I mean, holy crap, look at that ingredient list. Some mad scientists in New Jersey have figured out how to synthesize a facsimile of the smell and flavor of bacon using “natural” and “artificial” flavors. It brings to mind the line by Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park: “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.“

You can now order a pizza by using your TiVo remote without moving from your couch.  Whoever came up with this is in the wrong field.  Imagine what they could do if they were fighting cancer.

Due to the economic downturn, Spam is flying off the shelves.

I think the most disturbing sentence of the article was when a former Spam recipe contest judge recalled:

“The best thing was Spam brownies,” he said, with more or less a straight face.

Why do all the cool toys come out when I’m 35?  Tom Robbins wrote, “You’re never too old to have a happy childhood.“  You might be right, Tom.

This is now on every holiday/birthday list I have.  In fact, my beer and pizza fund may have to be renamed.

The sad news was sent out via Twitter.  The last Twitter post “it wrote” was binary for “Triumph”.

Well, sort of.  Rahm Emanuel is the brother of Ari Emanuel, who is the inspiration for the Ari Gold character on Entourage.  Insert “hug it out” joke here.

Denver’s Larimer County State Senate District 14 race settled the battle once and for all.  As expected, everything—including a state senate seat—is better with bacon.

This is a really good idea!

I’m old enough to remember, “I want my MTV!“  Now MTV streams music videos on demand over the Internet.  Good to be able to call up some classics

Octopuses (octopi?) are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. He’d have a field day in my tank.

P.S. I would love to juggle some of my workmates.

The boys from the Budweiser commercial are back.

Redundant Acronym Syndrome syndrome refers to the use of one of the words that make up an acronym as well as the abbreviation itself.  Like “PIN number” or “UPC code”.  I can’t believe it took till 2001 to give it an unofficial name.

Back in March, Dr Pepper promised a free Dr Pepper to everyone in America if Guns N’ Roses long-delayed album “Chinese Democracy” was released in 2008.  It has a release date of Nov. 23rd, so if it’s actually released on that date, you can go to drpepper.com and get a coupon for one free Dr Pepper.  I’m a big fan of Dr Pepper and will be there.

I used to be a big fan of GNR, but I probably won’t buy the album.  In 1991, when “Use Your Illusion” came out, I was 18.  I’m now 35.  Besides, GNR without Slash is like Dr Pepper with a blend of only 10 flavors.

He’s married, with children, and will save $1,000.

iVolume adjusts the volume of your music in iTunes so that they all play at around the same perceived volume.  It’s similar to iTunes built-in Sound Check, but it does a much better job.  It’s almost essential when listening to playlists made from different artists/albums and Genius playlists (which is a perfect name for them).  I’ve been using it for a while now and it’s definitely worth the $13 that MacUpdate Promo has it for today.

Note: The sale is only good on Oct. 21, 2008 til midnight Eastern time.

It’s not quite the new lolcats, but it has potential.

Dexter from “Dexter” would make about $47,680.  Don Draper from “Mad Men” would make about $41,379…but is that in today’s dollars?