NYC has had its share of interesting weather the last few years, including a major hurricane, minor hurricane, and various levels of nor’easters and blizzards. During each of these weather phenomena I’ve noticed that the intensity of the impending weather can be matched to the level of dress of the local TV weathermen shortly before the storm hits the area.
I am therefore proposing a Weather DEFCON system. The system would need to be adjusted to various climates, but I think the following would work for the North East United States:
DEFCON 5 — Weatherman wearing a suit and tie — Good to average weather.
DEFCON 4 — Weatherman has removed suit jacket but sleeves are buttoned and tie is tight against collar — Slightly worse than average weather, usually seen during heat wave in Summer or above average snowfall in Winter.
DEFCON 3 — Weatherman has removed suit jacket and either rolled up sleeves, or loosened tie and collar button, but not both – Heavy weather condition to take place shortly i.e. blizzard or category 1 or 2 hurricane to hit the area.
DEFCON 2 — Weatherman has removed suit jacket, rolled up sleeves, and loosened tie and unbuttoned collar — Serious weather is imminent i.e. long, heavy blizzard with more than 1 foot of snow in area, or a category 3 or greater hurricane to impact area.
DEFCON 1 — Weatherman has removed suit jacket, rolled up sleeves, loosened tie and unbuttoned collar, and his hair is not perfect — Very serious weather is imminent; we’re talking wrath of god type stuff.
I have never seen Weather DEFCON 1. I don’t want to.
The Tampa Tribune gives us a list of 50 things we didn’t know last year.
8. Astronomers discovered the most distant galaxy ever. Its light took more than 13 billion years to reach Earth. The system, which can be found in the night sky above the handle of the Big Dipper, creates more than 330 stars a year — 100 times faster than our Milky Way galaxy.
13. All mammals urinate for roughly the same amount of time, 21 seconds, regardless of their size. The mathematical model of animals is now known as “The Law of Urination.”
34. For women, smelling a newborn baby feels as good as drugs to addicts or cheeseburgers to those just breaking a fast.
Aaron Gordon of Sports on Earth tried to quantify who are the best and worst NFL announcers and came to the conclusion that Joe Buck is the best.
So I listened to 32 NFL games — two per crew — charting every foolish, false, annoying, ridiculous and downright dumb thing each of them said. I did this not because I enjoy it (it was, indeed, awful) but to determine which NFL crew is the worst of the lot.
In general, there are three types of announcer comments: good, neutral and bad. Good statements offer some type of insight into the game. This is inherently subjective, since different people know different things. Neutral statements constitute the bulk of their utterances: neither offensive nor insightful. As a result, I decided to measure the bad statements.
I’m not sure what kind of drugs Mr. Gordon was on when he made his conclusions, but he should stop taking them immediately and get professional help.
Ben & Jerry’s has come out with a new flavor inspired by Ron Burgundy: Scotchy Scotch Scotch.
We don’t know how to put this but this flavor is kind of a big deal. Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it “Scotchy Scotch Scotch”. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago. Stay Classy, From all of us at Ben & Jerry’s.
I’m sure I’m not the only one to be disappointed that the “Scotch” part of the name means butterscotch, however, I will consume this, gladly.
Every year, right around this time, my thoughts turn to which “Christmasy” movies I should watch in celebration of the season. Every year I watch four staples: Die Hard, Elf, The Nightmare Before Christmas, and A Christmas Story. In addition to those four, I try and watch a few other Christmas related movies to round things out.
That’s 11 movies in total, and about three weeks until Christmas, which works out to over three movies per week. While I do have a few days off around Christmas, writing it down and planning it out makes me think that I shouldn’t be spending time writing about it, but should be watching one instead.
NPR podcast Planet Money made a t-shirt, and followed the production from the genetically modified cotton seeds through to delivery.
We wanted to see the hidden world behind clothes sold in this country, so we decided to make a T-shirt. We wanted to make an ordinary shirt like the vast majority of the shirts sold in this country — not organic cotton, not hand-sewn in the United States.
The whole project is quite interesting, and the web site is really well done. The pictures juxtapositioning today’s production to the early 1900′s U.S. production are striking. Besides the videos, I highly recommend the audio stories half-way down this page as well.
USA Today gives us a list of America’s 15 best pizzas.
Pizza is about as varied and beloved a genre, as opinionated a subject, and also as accessible a food as there is, which makes determining the country’s best pizzas a truly challenging task.
Six joints in NYC, three in New Haven, CT (wtf?), two in SF, and one each in Portland, Providence, and LA. Notice, not one in Chicago or any mention of that deep dish crap. John Stewart’s right, “It’s not pizza…it’s a fucking casserole.”
How do you think that book got on top of that electrical(?) box in between two subway tracks?
My first thought is that someone dropped their book onto the tracks while waiting for the train and gave up on it. Later, someone from the MTA was in the tracks cleaning something up or working on something, found it, and instead of throwing it out, picked it up to give away or read later. However, if that was the case, wouldn’t they place the book on the platform rather than on that rather inaccessible box?
My new theory is that a track worker was using that book, either as a log book or as a reference guide, placed it there while they needed two hands for something, and forgot it was there.
Update: The book has disappeared.
The Atlantic lets us know about the trend of using “because” as a preposition.
But it also conveys a certain universality. When I say, for example, “The talks broke down because politics,” I’m not just describing a circumstance. I’m also describing a category. I’m making grand and yet ironized claims, announcing a situation and commenting on that situation at the same time. I’m offering an explanation and rolling my eyes—and I’m able to do it with one little word. Because variety. Because Internet. Because language.
My new favorite thing to come out of the Internet, as far as language is concerned, is the ability to use a noun as a verb, e.g. when correcting bad grammar and saying, “Sorry, I can’t English,” or not writing the tip amount on a check and instead writing, “I can’t math,” and putting the total in.