Woody’s Chalkboards (recent 100)
| Quip | Date | Note |
|---|---|---|
| Just pretend I'm not here and you're not watching. | Feb 28, 2024 | |
| Whenever Tony talks I thnk "hmmm" and stop thinking. | Feb 28, 2024 | |
| Today is National Thinking Day, I think. | Feb 22, 2024 | |
| I put the fun in dysfunctional. | Feb 22, 2024 | |
| NFL has Swifties. NHL has Beliebers. Who wants the Paigers? | Feb 7, 2024 | |
| Who should win today? Ramona, Dennis, Tim, Spongewood Squarepants? | Feb 7, 2024 | |
| Fruita(co.) High School should nickname teams De Lumes. | Jan 31, 2024 | |
| College football team should have deodorant as nickname. Roll on, state. | Jan 31, 2024 | |
| Put nose on QR code | Jan 25, 2024 | [pic] |
| This is not a drill. | Jan 25, 2024 | [pic] |
| I speak two languages sarcasm and cynicism. | Jan 17, 2024 | |
| I mistakenly got on the treadmill holding scissors. | Jan 17, 2024 | |
| Installing mirrors is a job I could see myself doing. | Jan 10, 2024 | |
| Making cuddly teddy bears is a job that I can wrap my arms around. | Jan 10, 2024 | |
| Save your "Happy New Year" for next year or the year after. | Jan 3, 2024 | |
| My favorite dinosaur is the Thesaurous. It was mean, nasty and rude. | Jan 3, 2024 | |
| I'm considering charisma bypass surgery. | Dec 14, 2023 | |
| Tony, please explain the scoring system. Asking for 500,000 friends. | Dec 14, 2023 | |
| I'm living in a perpetual time warp. | Dec 7, 2023 | |
| I am slow to speak, but quick to not listen to Reali. | Dec 7, 2023 | Reali = Tony Reali, the host of ATH |
| A penny for Plaschke's thoughts seems pricey. | Nov 29, 2023 | Plaschke = Bill Plaschke, another panelist on the show |
| I call Wednesdays "Chump Day" as reference to other panelists. | Nov 29, 2023 | |
| In school I flunked pig latin. Ancay ooyay elphay emay. | Nov 15, 2023 | |
| Coyote is faster than roadrunner. Wile E. was stupid. | Nov 15, 2023 | |
| My brain is full of movie quotes and song lyrics. | Nov 8, 2023 | |
| A cowboy cat saus "meowdy". | Nov 8, 2023 | |
| Trying to win this show is like dancing with my hands tied. Sad beautiful tragic. | Oct 31, 2023 | Woddy dressed as Taylor Swift |
| Errors tour concert today on ATH. | Oct 31, 2023 | Woddy dressed as Taylor Swift [pic] |
| I can repair all TVs. Unplug. Wait 15 seconds. Plug in again. Then repeat. | Oct 25, 2023 | |
| I just act like I'm listening to Plaschke. I'm thinking about dinner. | Oct 25, 2023 | Plaschke = Bill Plaschke, another panalist on the show |
| I do this show in a midieval oubliette. Please free me. | Oct 19, 2023 | sic [pic] |
| I begin each ATH show with a theorem proposition, but Tony can't handle the truth. | Oct 19, 2023 | Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH |
| Tony, let's make this swift. I have to get to my tailor. | Oct 11, 2023 | |
| Dodgers done like burnt dinner. | Oct 11, 2023 | |
| I prefer hot cakes and medium rare steaks to Tony's luke warm takes. | Oct 4, 2023 | |
| My superpower is is invisibility. You won't see me in showdown. | Oct 4, 2023 | [sic] on the two 'is' [pic] |
| ESPN Planning Special | Sep 28, 2023 | |
| Expert Dating Advice | Sep 28, 2023 | |
| I was fired as a waiter because I refused to take orders. | Sep 20, 2023 | |
| Mickey is a mouse. | Sep 20, 2023 | |
| Spoiler Alert! This show does end well. | Sep 14, 2023 | |
| Don't blame me. The producers yell in my ear the whole show. | Sep 14, 2023 | earpiece hanging over chalkboard [pic] |
| We don't have a second chalkboard. | Aug 28, 2023 | [pic] |
| I'm planning new app called Twooder. You can post Twoods. | Aug 28, 2023 | |
| I like when you read cold chalkboard takes. You get brain freeze. | Aug 4, 2023 | |
| If I were a triangle I would be a cute one. | Aug 4, 2023 | |
| I'm opening hokey pokey help center. You can turn yourself around. | Jul 28, 2023 | |
| Bigfoot awarded lifetime hide-and-seek achievement award. | Jul 28, 2023 | |
| Never shall Mark Twain and Shania Twain meet in a Vegas restaurant. | Jul 20, 2023 | |
| Want to build an ark? I Noah guy. | Jul 20, 2023 | |
| My favorite character in Asteroid City is Woodrow. | Jul 13, 2023 | |
| I'm not getting old. I'm busy becoming a legend. | Jul 13, 2023 | |
| Selfies mean nobody else wants to be in your photos. | Jul 6, 2023 | |
| I'm coming back hot today. Get out of the way. | Jul 6, 2023 | |
| I'm not useless. I can be used as a bad example. | Jun 23, 2023 | |
| You look totally stupid like that. | Jun 23, 2023 | |
| ATH should be two hours long because I talk slow. | May 10, 2023 | |
| 78 percent of adults are not smart. I'm amoung the other 34 percent. | May 10, 2023 | |
| I'm the only genuis on this show. | May 5, 2023 | |
| My favorite childhood memory is my back didn't hurt then. | May 5, 2023 | |
| Sarcasm is a free service I provide to viewers. | Apr 26, 2023 | |
| I lost my blue check mark and sunglasses. I miss my sunglasses. | Apr 26, 2023 | |
| I'm as surprised as Tony by what comes out of my mouth. | Apr 19, 2023 | |
| If you aren't named Alexa don't act like a know-it-all. | Apr 19, 2023 | |
| Every mistake I make today is the result of getting out of bed. | Apr 11, 2023 | |
| Rather than sending texts I prefer being condescending in person. | Apr 11, 2023 | |
| I have nobody to blame but Clinton. | Mar 31, 2023 | Clinton = Clinton Yates, the host of ATH today |
| Grogu is a nepo baby. | Mar 31, 2023 | |
| You are not booing me at home watching the show. You are shouting "Woooooody". | Mar 24, 2023 | |
| Other panelists think I act like I don't care what they say. It's not an act. | Mar 24, 2023 | |
| I got this job because my father owns the Disney corporation. | Mar 22, 2023 | |
| All my opinions are my own. ATH refuses to take responsibility for me. | Mar 22, 2023 | |
| I'm about to break out today with ATH karaoke. | Mar 8, 2023 | |
| I invented new Twitter game called Woodle. All guesses are correct. | Mar 8, 2023 | |
| I was my shcool's champion in pick-up sticks. | Feb 28, 2023 | |
| My SAT score in high school was below freezing. | Feb 28, 2023 | |
| The late bird gets the worm because the early bird gets the buffet. | Feb 24, 2023 | |
| I emerged today from being in the dark all week to do ATH | Feb 24, 2023 | |
| Alexa: What am I doing here? | Feb 17, 2023 | |
| Hello, Canada. I brought my eh game today for you. | Feb 17, 2023 | |
| I'm an adult person. Sort of. | Feb 1, 2023 | |
| I'd rather spend midnight at the oasis than be in the desert on a horse with no name. | Feb 1, 2023 | |
| I won't be on ATH tomorrow because of load management. | Jan 26, 2023 | |
| The one thing I can always count on are my fingers. | Jan 26, 2023 | |
| I'm envious of people who have never met Frank. | Jan 23, 2023 | Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show |
| Where was the 1981 Standord band when Cowboys needed it? | Jan 23, 2023 | |
| Doing Around The Horn is dangerous. Don't try this at home. | Jan 17, 2023 | |
| I want to appear on an alternative universe Arount The Horn | Jan 17, 2023 | |
| I promised I would fix it, and I will. Someday. | Jan 13, 2023 | |
| Life is too short for cheap wine, cheap toilet paper and cheap men. | Jan 13, 2023 | |
| Hey, McCarthy, The Wizards lost 10 straight. | Jan 5, 2023 | |
| In 1555 Nostradamus predicted I would win ATH today. | Jan 5, 2023 | |
| Nobody else on this panel can drive a stick. | Dec 14, 2022 | |
| I'm not condescending or sending holiday cards to inferior people. | Dec 14, 2022 | |
| I presented Judge with wit of habeus corpuscle. | Dec 7, 2022 | |
| Did 100 sumo squats before ATH. Won't do didly squat during the show. | Dec 7, 2022 | |
| New ATH segment called Binary or Cell. | Dec 2, 2022 | |
| I created the American Apathy Association. Nobody became a member. | Dec 2, 2022 | |
| Tim's Thanksgiving tradition | Nov 22, 2022 | Can of Spam taped to chalkboard. Tim = Tim Cowlishaw, another panelist on the show [pic] |
| Sarah's special secret recipe. | Nov 22, 2022 | Can of cranberry sauce taped to chalkboard [pic] |
About Woody’s Chalkboard
This is an ongoing list of Woody Paige’s chalkboard/blackboard quips from the ESPN show “Around The Horn”. This list was started in January 2008. You can read more about Woody’s chalkboard.
Additionally, you can get an RSS feed.
You can find Woody at woodypaige.com, on Facebook, Twitter, The Denver Post, and the Colorado Springs Gazette.
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