Cordless Phone Oops #2

January 1, 2003

After replacing the cordless phone lost in a previous incident, I was very careful not to bring the handset anywhere near a place that it could try to “escape”. This new phone would spend it’s entire life in captivity. I never thought it would resort to suicide.

This time I was on the phone with a friend. She was having some sort of problem, and for some reason, I was the therapist (although I was not being paid). I had been on the phone for quite some time at this point, and I really had to go to the bathroom (#1). There didn’t seem to be any natural rhythm to the conversation where I could break in with my natural urges, so to save time, I got up from the sofa in the living room and walked into the bathroom before cutting her off in mid-sentence to explain my problem. I explained that I had to take a quick bathroom break and that I would call her back. She said not to bother, and that I could put her on hold.

As I pulled down my shorts with right hand, I used my left hand to hit the hold button and place the phone on the sink, directly to the left of the toilet. Since I really had to go, nature started flowing the moment my shorts were clear of the “faucet”. Being that it takes brainpower to aim, I was not concentrating as hard as I could on placing the phone down on the sink – and you guessed it – the handset took the plunge.

“Crap!” was the rather ironic exclamation that escaped my lips as I stared at the handset, now fully immersed, in the toilet.

After finishing my business (I told you, I really had to go), I had to fish around in a closet to find my backup corded phone, which is there for just such an emergency. I called my friend back, explained the situation and asked for advice (the tables were now turned!).

She said that I should take the phone out, wash it off and if it was working, use it.

If the phone from Oops #1, which was surrounded by coffee grinds, tuna cans, etc., in plastic bags, was not going anywhere near me, then this phone could only be used if I was wearing a Level A Bio-hazard suit.

A new cordless phone was procured a few days later. This new phone will not be used in the bathroom.