Bowl Games I’d Like to See

January 13, 2008

There are about 32 college football bowl games, and they’re all sponsored by corporations. I’ve always felt that the corporate sponsorship missed the boat on them by not tying in more closely with the name and themes of the game. Below are a list of bowl games I’d like to see:

  • The Home Depot Toilet Bowl
  • The Kellogg’s Cereal Bowl (how is this not a real bowl already?)
  • The Apple iBowl
  • The Hershey’s Squirt Bowl
  • The Starbucks Soy Latte bowl (only Starbucks drinks served at the game = the most wired, and poor, audience ever)
  • The FedEx Overnight Bowl (it’s guaranteed to end by 10:30am)
  • The Pfizer Viagra Bowl (it automatically ends if the game lasts more than 4 hours)
  • The Google Beta Bowl (the game works perfectly, but it never comes out of beta)
  • The Poland Springs Water Bowl
  • The Domino’s 30-Minutes-or-Less Bowl (6-minute quarters + 6-minute halftime = shortest bowl game)
  • The Microsoft Windows Blue Screen Bowl (game play has to stop at least once a quarter while they reboot the computers)
  • The KFC Famous Bowl
  • The IKEA Ünferter Bowl (no one knows what it means, but it takes 30 minutes to set up and everyone in attendance gets an Allen wrench)
  • The eBay Bowl (if there’s a disputed call, it takes 30 days to get it resolved)
  • The MTV Music Bowl (at least there’d be one thing musically related to MTV)
  • The Kleenex Snot Bowl
  • The Motorola RAZR BWL
  • The Alamo Rent-A-Car Alamo Bowl
  • The Morton Salt Bowl
  • The Grey Poupon Mustard Bowl
  • The Cuisinart Mixing Bowl
  • The Jell-O Shots Bowl
  • The Playboy Party Bowl (everyone wears pajamas; and the cheerleaders…whoa!)
  • The Coca-Cola Flavored-Sugar Bowl
  • The Zagat Review Bowl (the recap of the game is, at most, five sentences, and pithy)
  • The Play-Doh! Rose Bowl (everyone in attendance gets enough Play-Doh! and instructions to make roses which are thrown on to the field after every touchdown — the grounds crew has five minutes to clean them all up otherwise they will get hard and be useless to make anything else)
  • The Body Shop Cocoa-Butter Bowl
  • The Olive Garden Never-Ending Bowl (the teams keep playing till they ask for the check)
  • The Las Vegas What-Happens-In-Vegas-Stays-In-Vegas Bowl (there are no recaps or clips about the game — it’s like it never happened)
  • The Toyota Supra Bowl
  • The ESPN SportsCenter Bowl (the two teams don’t play, they just watch clips from all the other bowls)
  • The Greenpeace Mr-Splashy-Pants Bowl (can’t be played because it’s not dolphin safe and has a negative carbon footprint)
  • The Sony PlayStation 3 Madden Bowl (the two teams just play Madden Football on a PS3)
  • The Trojan Rubber Bowl
  • The Heineken Keg Bowl (biggest kegger ever — second only to The Playboy Party Bowl as the most “fun” bowl to go to)