For a change, I asked that little wiener dog that lives upstairs and barks constantly at a pitch that sounds just like sneakers-stopping-quickly-on-a-smooth-floor to briefly summarize his day. Here’s what he wrote:
- Woke up. Saw that my owner was not yet up and taking care of my every whim. Barked until she got up and acknowledged that I’m in charge here.
- Took my owner for a walk. Pooped. Saw that cute pug from the other block. Played hard to get.
- Ate breakfast. Barked at bowl.
- Barked.
- Barked.
- Barked.
- Decided that instead of barking, I should get a drink of water. Then barked.
- Barked.
- Barked.
- Thought about the United Nation’s call for a more rational monetary policy in developing countries and the effect it might have on international debt relief and medicine availability to those same countries.
- Barked.
- Barked.
- Someone was using one of those automatic stair-climbing hand trucks. Barked at it for about 15 minutes. Felt good.
- Took a nap. Barked in the dream I had.
- Woke up, walked around the apartment barking at various objects to assert my authority.
- Barked at the delivery guy who delivered neighbor’s lunch. I think it was pizza.
- Heard a fire engine siren in the distance. Barked at it.
- Took nap.
- Woke up from nap and barked to make sure everyone knew I was up.
- Watched Dr. Phil. Barked at his baldness.
- Barked.
- Barked.
- Anyone notice how catchy that Amstel Light commercial music is? It’s been running through my mind all day. Tried to bark it. Unsuccessful.
- Barked.
- Suckers who work 9-5 stared coming home. Barked at them.
- Owner came home. Took her for walk. Decided to go counter-clockwise around the block for variety. Barked at a yellow bee wind toy that someone planted in a tree box.
- Ate dinner.
- Made owner give me a tummy rub. Barked in appreciation.
- Napped.
- Watched an old episode of Entourage to get ready for the new season. ‘Bark it out.’ Barked in appreciation.
- Noticed that it got quiet around 9 p.m. Barked.
- Napped.
- Barked.
- Went for a quick #1 walk. Made owner carry me up the stairs. “Who’s your doggie?”
- Owner went to bed. Will try to be quiet the rest of the night because she really needs her beauty sleep. May bark once just to make sure she knows who’s in charge.
