Artie Lange, King of the Dragons

January 24, 2009

This is probably the weirdest dream I’ve had that I can remember.

It started off with me and a whole bunch of others living in a small 19th-century village. Apparently, the village was constantly attacked by dragons, and the village elders needed someone to go and kill the dragons’ leader, Artie Lange. I, being the tallest, strongest, and most handsome, was given the task.

For several days and nights, I subsisted on berries and leaves and was able to track down Artie in his secret lair…a supermarket.

The next day at noon, I ran into the supermarket, grabbed an ax (because they are always out in the open at supermarkets) and tried to kill him by chopping off his head. There was a problem. The ax never did any damage to him. He just stood there laughing an evil laugh and eating a cupcake.

I had failed my mission.

It was at this point that I woke up and vowed not to remember any more dreams.

The preceding dream was brought to you by Maker’s Mark.