Weather DEFCON

January 3, 2014

NYC has had its share of interesting weather the last few years, including a major hurricane, minor hurricane, and various levels of nor’easters and blizzards. During each of these weather phenomena I’ve noticed that the intensity of the impending weather can be matched to the level of dress of the local TV weathermen shortly before the storm hits the area.

I am therefore proposing a Weather DEFCON system. The system would need to be adjusted to various climates, but I think the following would work for the North East United States:

DEFCON 5 — Weatherman wearing a suit and tie – Good to average weather.

DEFCON 4 — Weatherman has removed suit jacket but sleeves are buttoned and tie is tight against collar – Slightly worse than average weather, usually seen during heat wave in Summer or above average snowfall in Winter.

DEFCON 3 — Weatherman has removed suit jacket and either rolled up sleeves, or loosened tie and collar button, but not both – Heavy weather condition to take place shortly i.e. blizzard or category 1 or 2 hurricane to hit the area.

DEFCON 2 — Weatherman has removed suit jacket, rolled up sleeves, and loosened tie and unbuttoned collar – Serious weather is imminent i.e. long, heavy blizzard with more than 1 foot of snow in area, or a category 3 or greater hurricane to impact area.

DEFCON 1 — Weatherman has removed suit jacket, rolled up sleeves, loosened tie and unbuttoned collar, and his hair is not perfect – Very serious weather is imminent; we’re talking wrath of god type stuff.

I saw Weather DEFCON 2 last night before the recent blizzard (winter storm Hercules), and in 2012 for Hurricane Sandy.

I have never seen Weather DEFCON 1.

I don’t want to.