Monday, August 17, 2015
The first 500.5 were the easiest
My night light died; so did my night life
I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Geno Smith Straight Outta Teeth

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Secret Tip: If you check out all of the books in a library, you can start your own library
“You have to be odd to be number one.” – Dr. Seuss
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
My house looks like I’m losing a game of Jumanji
I went to the store for eight Sprites. I got home and realized I picked seven up instead.
If you need to find a high tech toilet, just search for its IP address
Friday, August 7, 2015
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds
I knew a lady who had a taser; man, was she stunning
Thursday, August 6, 2015
A guy just threw milk at me…how dairy
With great power, comes great electricity bills
How does the man in the moon cut is hair? Eclipse it
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
When in doubt, mumble
Laugh at your problems; everybody else does
The most you can expect from me is unconditional *like*
Monday, August 3, 2015
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture
I’m not tense; I’m just terribly alert
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Sometimes I just want to go where all the missing socks go