Tuesday, July 28, 2015
My fitness band congratulated me on hitting my steps goal. It looks great on the cat.
I wonder if turtles think frogs are homeless?
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
There is really no manly way to carry balloons

Adam and Eve
First to agree with the apple terms & conditions without reading them

Monday, July 20, 2015
ZACH ATTACK!!!
I suppose you could call me an avid indoorsman
Do regular dogs see police dogs and think “Oh man! It’s the cops”?
Friday, July 10, 2015
If you want to join my Scrabble club, I could put in a good word for you
When you have the chance to be a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious
Thursday, July 9, 2015
Frank is not a Facebook status; you don’t have to like him

Note: Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show

Nothing affects average margin of victory like the mute button
We are all time traveler’s moving at exactly 60 minutes per hour
Tuesday, July 7, 2015

There are two rules to success
1.) Don’t tell all you know

I’m actually not old; I’m 25 plus shipping and handling
Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Iv’e decided to opt out of my contract. I am officially on the market.
— Chalkboard

Note: [sic] [pic]

“Free agent” is an oxymoron
A man tried to sell me a coffin the other day, but that’s the last thing I need
Friday, June 26, 2015
Tony, if we were NBA draft prospects, which panelist would draw the most boos?

Note: Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH.

My job is secure. Who else would want to hang over his shoulders for 12 years?

Note: Arrow pointing at Woody.

Birthdays are cool, but 69 of them isn’t good for you