Friday, October 2, 2015
Bad combination: sleeping in the nude and sleep walking
My parents moved, but wouldn’t tell me where
I took Latin in high school, but it was all Greek to me
Monday, September 28, 2015
I’m not old enough to get muted
I offer good opinions and false advertising
My hair ignores me and your emails
Friday, September 25, 2015
Hey Pope Francis, do you want to come over and watch football?
No good story starts with, “I was eating a salad when…”
Wednesday, September 23, 2015

“I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4.”
— Yogi Berra

“I never said most of the things I said.”
— Yogi Berra

“So I’m ugly. I never saw anyone hit with his face.”
— Yogi Berra

Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Tony, let me speak, or the voices in my head will have to intervene
If I ignore my producer, is that considered freelancing?
I saw a big fight at a seafood restaurant; three fish got battered
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
I’m healthy, except for this persistent cough
Float like a bee. Sting also like a bee
I used to think an ocean of soda existed, but I realized it was a fanta sea
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
When I’m in England my breakfast of choice is cheerios
So tell me my happy place was condemned
I just bought some of for a buck an ear