Monday, March 2, 2015

Today’s Motto
It’s not important to win. It’s only important that Frank loses

Note: Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show.

Alarm Clocks for Sale
Buy one. You will sleep soundly

The best part about writing a book is the book parties
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Those who snore always fall asleep first
When one door closes, another should open. If not, go through the window
Man, I am old. The candles for my birthday cake cost more than the cake itself.
Monday, February 23, 2015

I know you can’t tell, but I laugh at my own jokes
— Chalkboard

A penny saved is ridiculous
Why do they call it a pair of pants when there is only one?
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Any available whiteboard out there? I got a plus-one invite to the Oscars

My biggest pet peeve? Ironically it’s nails on a chalkboard
— Chalkboard

Tuesday, February 17, 2015
This chalkboard available for A-Rod’s next apology
Iv’e decided to be more decisive…but maybe not

[pic]

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
Friday, February 13, 2015

Happy Friday the 13th!
Jason likes this

[pic]

Any whiteboard’s out there need a valentine?
— Chalkboard

Note: SIC on "whiteboard's" [pic]

Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Never ask a podiatrist for conversions to metric. They only know feet.
I love rehearsal dinners. I rarely get to practice my meals before I eat them.

Can you believe I’ve been with him 13 years and never won employee of the month?
— Chalkboard

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Things I’m bad at: singing
Things I do a lot: sing