Those who snore always fall asleep first
When one door closes, another should open. If not, go through the window
Man, I am old. The candles for my birthday cake cost more than the cake itself.
A penny saved is ridiculous
Why do they call it a pair of pants when there is only one?
Any available whiteboard out there? I got a plus-one invite to the Oscars
This chalkboard available for A-Rod’s next apology
Iv’e decided to be more decisive…but maybe not
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
Any whiteboard’s out there need a valentine?
Note: SIC on "whiteboard's" [pic]
Never ask a podiatrist for conversions to metric. They only know feet.
I love rehearsal dinners. I rarely get to practice my meals before I eat them.
Tacks have a very pinpoint way of hurting
My pizza jokes can’t be topped
Instead of beast mode, hawks went bust mode