Monday, September 29, 2014
I wonder how many miles I’ve scrolled on my iPhone?
My iPhone seems to be broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.
Thursday, September 25, 2014
If we were school supplies I would be the ruler of this panel

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Frank.
Frank who?

Note: Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show.

They say laughter is the best medicine. Actually, it’s scoring more points than Frank.

Note: Frank = Frank Isola, another panelist on the show

Tuesday, September 23, 2014
I started a band called 999 megabytes, we haven’t gotten a gig yet.
I wrote a tune about a tortilla. Actually, it’s more of a wrap song.

What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?

Sneakers.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Just went to an emotional wedding; even the cake was in tiers
I’m so ecstatic but why is nothing sticking to me?

I intend to live forever
check back tomorrow.

Monday, September 15, 2014
If Apple made a car, would it have windows?
If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three
Thursday, September 11, 2014

I’m taking care of my procrastination issues. Just wait and see

Easily
distrac

ted

I always offer two dinner choices:
1. Take it
2. Leave it

Tuesday, September 9, 2014
I prefer my puns intended
I know it’s cheesy, but I feel grate

Irony.
The opposite of wrinkly

Thursday, September 4, 2014
Just call me “Mr. 57″ or “Heinz”