Monday, June 20, 2016
USGA ruled today Irving’s shot was a 2-pointer
Things Meat Loaf would do for love

Note: Pie chart showing "anything" and "that" [pic]

Friday, June 17, 2016
I lost my junk food eating contest because I had a chip on my shoulder
I like to hold hands at the movies…which always seems to startle strangers
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
The ATH producer has asked me to keep the lights off in my studio
Some people need a good pat on the back


Monday, June 13, 2016

Tip of the day:
Donuts make the best bracelets

I’m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
Do you have the dunlap disease?
Your stomach dunlapped over your belt
Tuesday, June 7, 2016
The ATH director has asked me to sit backward. He’s tired of looking at my face.
Mister Rogers didn’t effectively prepare me for the people in my neighborhood
Monday, June 6, 2016
Broncos at the White House today. I’m in Tony’s dog house.

Note: Tony = Tony Reali, the host of ATH.

When nature calls, I let it go to voicemail
Friday, June 3, 2016
I don’t think these new young panelists, or Tim, understand brilliance

Note: Tim = Tim Cowlishaw, another panelist on the show

Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
Jack should be
2nd round pick

Wednesday, June 1, 2016
Not only is my short-term memory horrible, but so is my short-term memory

Today I re-wrote history



Tuesday, May 24, 2016
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar
If owning a DSLR camera makes me a photographer, then call me Superman, because I’m wearing red undies