I recently received a postcard from a 4-year-old which read, in part:
I saw a Megolodon’s jaw at Underwater World. It could eat you even though you’re a giant turd.
How I believe he views me:
Family Portrait
Entries tagged “personal”
Reading the ramblings of Sleep Talkin’ Man remind me that while I don’t talk in my sleep (that I know of), I sometimes say and do things in that weird, semi-conscious state between sleep and wide awake consciousness — things that are strange and strangely related to the context of the waking environment — things that I don’t mean.
For example, I was once awakened by a ringing telephone on my nightstand at 4:30 a.m., and I went all Maxwell Smart and tried to answer a shoe which was not far from my bed. I remember trying to hit the answer button on the bottom of my shoe, holding it up to my ear to talk, and being perplexed as to why it was still ringing. It took about 30 seconds before I realized what I was doing, but by then it was too late to answer the real phone.
Another time, I incorporated my dog’s nails clicking on a linoleum floor nearby into my dream as rain hitting the window, shot up out of bed, and tried to close the window to prevent the rain from coming in.
And it can be worse when there’s someone else there.
I have a standard spiel where I tell overnight guests that they should just ignore anything and everything, good or bad, that comes out of my mouth for the first five minutes after I wake up, especially if I’m awoken suddenly by an alarm clock, an inadvertent kick, etc.
Tracy did not heed my advice.
Growing up in Manhattan means that you sometimes have to do things a little differently than, well, pretty much the rest of the country, and as Halloween approaches, and I compare stories of youth with colleagues and friends, I’m beginning to understand just how different Manhattan Halloweens are compared to others.
An atypical example of Manhattan Halloween decorations
I’ve heard about it from friends and seen references to it in movies, but since I’ve never seen it in person, it’s sort of like Bigfoot…I’m beginning to doubt it really exists. In Manhattan, there isn’t that one special house in the area that goes overboard with Halloween decorations; that one special house that everyone from several streets over comes to visit because everyone knows they have the best candy and obscene amounts of it; that one special house that truly embraces the spirit of Halloween and shames all the others around it for even trying to be festive. Unless you live in an area that has single-family townhouses (which is somewhat rare on this island) you really won’t see Halloween decorations, or any other holiday decorations, adorning the outside of a building. Multiple dwelling abodes must conform to the lowest common denominator wishes of its inhabitants, and it’s always safest to not display any decorations than risk offending someone who, for whatever reason, is offended by Halloween.
On October 13, 2009, I was summoned for petit jury duty in New York State Supreme Court at 100 Centre Street in Manhattan. This is the second time I’ve performed jury duty for the state, and the first in criminal court.
Due to the acquisition of some new entertainment equipment, I’ve decided it’s time to completely reconfigure and consolidate my entertainment center. While I’m doing that, I’m going to ask my good friend Cornelius to jot down some notes as they happen. I’ll return at the end to wrap things up. Cornelius, please introduce yourself…
Cornelius at computer
Hello everyone, that’s me on the right. Josh has asked me to keep a running log of what’s going on as he redoes his entertainment center, and I plan on documenting what I consider to be major events as part of this home project. It’s a dreary, rainy day here in NYC, so he’s under no pressure to get things done by a certain time. Let’s get started:
11:00 a.m. – Josh is taking his usual methodical approach by double-checking the equipment and connections map that he made a few days prior. He’s placed a glass of water near the sofa and has a pad and pen handy, as well as labels for tagging wires. I have a good feeling that this is going to go smoothly.
A while ago, April first to be exact, I had a very vivid dream, which by itself is quite strange because I generally don’t remember my dreams at all, and I just had to write it down, especially since I can still remember it like it happened yesterday.
In the dream, I was in Brooks Brothers shopping for a suit of armor. I had on some chain mail, and one “tailor” (I hesitate to call him that) was measuring me for a breastplate, while another person brought over a cart, not unlike the desert cart at an upscale restaurant, showing me the different styles and types of metal available for it, as well as some gauntlets and helms that might match the different styles of breastplates.
Even though I’m sick, I had my best evening of Wii Sports bowling ever, and I hit three special milestones with the first game of the night.
First milestone achieved was that I got my first turkey. A turkey is three strikes in a row. Frames four, five, and six. Woohoo!
Second milestone achieved was that I bowled my first game over 200. 204 to be exact. Previous high was 174. Woohoo!!!
Third milestone achieved was that I made Pro. That 204 was good enough to push my bowling rating above 1000, and I got a new ball because of it. WOOHOO!!!
I bowled two other games tonight, and got 194 and 183, both well above my previous high of 174 that had stood for about 20 games.
I wonder if this cold and all the medication helped focus me?
After seeing the phobias on this list of phobias, I noticed that my biggest fear was not on there. So, to unite and give identity to all those people out there like me, I propose the following new phobia:
Envelopophobia: Fear of getting a paper cut on your tongue from licking an envelope.
I personally can not lick an envelope from right to left, or vice versa, to seal it. I employ a method whereby I lick from the bottom of the glue strip to the top, then move to the next part of the glue strip, in tongue-width increments, rapidly.
I hope by bringing this fear to light, I will empower those that are with me to stand up and not feel put-down by society simply because we lick an envelope differently.
A few weeks ago, I was in bed at around 7 a.m. on a Monday morning, awake, and I heard what sounded like something falling off a table in my living room. My first thought was that one of my fish had jumped from the aquarium and had knocked over one of the food containers on the table, and was now flopping around on the floor. I jumped up and ran into the living room and checked the area near the aquarium—no fish on the floor—all fish in the tank and accounted for. So what fell? I looked around, but couldn’t find anything.
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